Movie Script: Funny film By Utibe Hanson (Part 2)

Funny film(...cont'd)

While you slumped on your sofa to savour the resolution you'd just arrived at concerning the initial blackout, waiting for another scene, what came on the screen was, The End. To God be the Glory.

You didn't know how to react. At first you didn't understand it, so you just creased your forehead in shock and confusion. It stopped at The End. To God be the Glory. Nothing more. No cast listing, no acknowledgement. The screen went blank.

You got annoyed. "What kind of rubbish is this! What nonsense arrangement of a film is this! Who directed this kind of nonsense and threw it into the market for people to buy? Why is our film censoring board so ineffective as to allow this kind of dung into the market!" You began to swear obscenities at everything! You checked your watch, it was 9:30pm. You stormed out of the house with your shirt flung over your shoulder and headed straight to Jude's.

"Which kind mumu feem you give me like that!"
"Aha! Oga, wetin happen?"
"No dey ask me rubbish! The feem just start mumu mumu and then e never finish, e come finish."
"Ah, Oga, no vex. I tell you say I never watch am. But e get continuation. Come see am here."

He handed you another pack of nothingness. You scanned the jacket and shook your head because you had seen this mystery before. You flayed down a tricycle and took a drop straight to your gate.

You were in a hurry to continue this mystery of a film. You pressed open on the DVD remote control, removed the old plate and balanced the new one on the tongue of the machine and watched it slowly swallow the plate. You stood in anticipation awaiting what scene of mystery was about to unfold.

A news reportage came on. The correspondent was giving a report about a bomb blast in a Catholic church on a Christmas day. 200 people dead. People who went to celebrate a birth got a death? You pondered on the occasion. The scene shifted to another correspondent talking about another bomb blast. This time in an embassy that representatives from different countries converged in upon a certain subject matter. Hardly was the recent correspondent done than another one appearing and reporting that another church had been bombed with 80 people dead. Another scene came on, still with another correspondent reporting from a motor park that had just been bombed with scores of people laid waste. While she was giving her report, another explosion erupted and swallowed her in.

You stood in awe at the fragility of life. Then you spoke up: "What set of misanthropes are perpetrating this gruesomeness?"
Those series of scenes took something from you. All the eagerness that fired you up to want to see the denouement of this mysterious film had gone with those scenes. You sank helplessly into your seat and got a renewed enthusiasm to continue seeing the film with the new scene that unfolded.

You saw people laboriously tilling the soil to plant crops. Grandfather, grandmother, father, mother, children, relatives, bending their backs and breaking under the fiery eyes of the sun. They laboured but with smiles on their faces --- you drew immediately that it was the hope of a bountiful harvest that was soon to come that inspired those smiles. But you knew that hope is a thing with feathers, it hardly perches than it takes flight. You began to pray that their labour would not be in vain, that their crops would yield, and that their harvest would be plentiful. The unity of purpose they displayed almost drew a tear from your eyes, although man enough to hold your eyes from leaking, you could not stop them from becoming moist.

The next scene was a black river. A thick black river that flowed into the lands. You saw the people of that region looking hungry, and sad, and dying. You waited for the scene to unfold properly as to grasp the full import. The camera panned and an oil rig came on display. It was then that you began to froth within. You remember, don't you? Because the next thing that came afore was a very beautiful region. It clicked at once! You blew over: So, they are using the oil money to develop some other part of whatever country this funny film is set at the detriment of the area from which the oil is got? What kind of heartlessness is this? The people of that part can't farm nor fish because there's oil spillage everywhere and nothing can stand the presence of oil. So, they should continue in dearth and drought while these other parts bask in the galore of unmerited surplus? You heaved a sigh and emptied the juice into the glass.

The camera rolls back to the earlier scene where people were planting and the gloom of the previous scene momentarily recedes from your heart. You saw that the crops had bloomed beautifully and were almost near harvest. You smiled at hope not having taken flight. You saw the people inspecting the plants and taking out unwanted materials --- pests, weeds; you nodded to the beams on their faces.

Suddenly, you saw a herd of cattle. Countless number of them. You saw three or four herdsmen with them. You saw them drive without fear or sense into those farms. You saw the people screaming at them to stop.

Funny Film 

But what you saw next was what you didn't expect. You had your heart in your mouth, and your fingers on your teeth. You coiled on the sofa like a child scared of the dark.

The herdsmen pulled out AK47 guns, cleared the men, took out knives, tore the children as they deemed fit. Some crushed the skulls of some of the children on the huge trees around. They raped the women and when they were done, plunged long swords into their vaginas and tore them open. They conducted the genocide and bade their cows to feed on the spoils of conquered territory.

---to be continued.

---Utibe Hanson.
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